Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My Jerry Maguire Moment

During a Sunday service, I felt impressed to share with my co-workers of my disappointment at being a poor reflection of Christ. As the night progressed, events occurred that just built momentum.

The next morning I sat at my computer and composed the following e-mail and, while hitting the send button, I said things are going to get weird!

Dear co-workers:

You are receiving this because I interact with you daily or have in the past, or you are in earshot of my cubicle.

I am struggling with writing this e-mail. Yesterday during church, I was kind of reflecting on how I convey Christianity in my conversation and actions at the workplace. I really believe I've earned the "christianish" label and really hypocrite or lukewarm would be better. No one is perfect but I feel my conversation has taken an even more negative turn. I've been negative about my faith, marriage, work, etc. In no way conveying what I PROFESS to believe in...it's like there is an [work] Steve, Home Steve & Church Steve and unlike George Castanza I NOW want my worlds to collide.

Right before 9th grade, I being an unchurched boy, asked Christ to be my personal savior. It was a 180 turn in my life that people could see - genuine joy in my life. This was a transformative experience as I went from a C student to an A student and Christ in me was a core part of who I was not just a Sunday thing.

As an adult, I've became what I despise - a religious man, instead of someone that has a relationship with Christ. A lot of it is frankly double-mindedness and not renewing my mind daily in personal devotions. Trying to walk in two different worlds. For example, crass joking and negative talking should not be a part of someone who claims to follow Christ who promises us just not life but life more abundantly.

Last night I went out with a group of young Christians that are in there 20ies to early 30ies. As the conversations wound down, one lady said I have to say something. She thanked me for being an older person that has a passion for Christ and someone the younger males can look to as an "example" or "mentor". As she is saying this, I thought, what would [co-worker names withheld] think if they were sitting here hearing this compliment? More importantly what would my wife think? Is this even remotely what they see at home or work? Would it make them want to
puke? That all the more made me want to send this e-mail to you.

So I guess what I am trying to do is apologize for the person that I have been. The last thing I ever would want to do is be guilty of turning anyone away from Christ because of my conversation or behavior. I've been content to take Jesus out of the box on Sunday and then tucking Him away for the week. Trying to live of off Sundays sermon for the week. Being too distracted with the urgent to take care of the important. And frankly it's not working for me nor does it for anyone.

I'm sorry for saying/professing one thing but acting out another. Not trying to butcher myself publicly but genuinely sorry for bringing any reproach to Christ.

I'm not looking for an acknowledgement or how I'm really not that bad. I am telling you I am and have fallen far short of what I believe a Christian should be and I am believing this is a step into making amends for that. I want my faith to be real and relevant in all of my life including my job and my interactions with you.

So now I have taken the easy step to apologize...now comes the hard part to live it. Hope you see a difference in me as I endeavor to follow Him a lot closer than I have been.
After sending it, I got up and grabbed some coffee and let it hit people's e-mails.

I sat down and read a response from my pastor that basically said bold move! So I re-read my e-mail and just said "wow!" I then said I am having a Jerry Maguire
moment. To which the guy next to me replied "the mission statement", and laughed a bit awkwardly. Another co-worker asked me what was going on with me and I just said the e-mail conveyed it and I needed to get it out. He asked if I was afraid it would be elevated up the channel. My response was no and I even included my supervisor. Another co-worker said it was encouraging and he was having similar thoughts.

It has been only one day since the e-mail went out but I have experienced pure joy in my workplace that I cannot recall. It has been liberating. I am not claiming to have arrived. I just conveyed what I believe the standard is and what I hope to demonstrate. I eventually want to demonstrate and say "follow me as I follow Christ!" I like that it is out there!

So what do you think?

12 comments:

  1. Steve,
    you are one brave, courageous and good man!

    ( and I do think you are very hard on yourself, you are one of my favourite Christians, you are real, and you let people around you be real too..no false expectations).
    We are all screw-upsbecoming like Jesus a little bitmore by the year!
    I am going to be praying for you, for nothing but good repucushions (that is spelt oh so wrong so now I look like a moron to your blog readers ;o)
    Peace and joy!
    I think you are brilliant,
    Bec

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  2. I think you're the man and you've got some balls for writing that. Definitely Jerry McGuire-ish. Come on, man!

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  3. Good for you my friend!

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  4. Im not going to flip out on ya!

    Bec - Just trying to tell my "congregation" sometimes I hate the things I do...!! Kind of giving myself a "slap" in the face & saying "be a man!" (I love your dad but he scares me - wont let me just talk about dreams) I misspell words all the time so I am glad you do Bec! Don't worry about blog readers - I can only think of 2-5 that actually read it! But I am pimping my blog on twitter so we'll see.

    Dave - I really need to capture my twitter comments from this day and post them as comments...it is hilarious! I did not know if I would get high fives but I could hear some IMing going on and it was quiet! But good feed backs! "Show me the kingdom!"

    Anonymous - leave a name next time so I know who gave me the kudos. I appreciate them...

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  5. wow, steve, that's very open and personal. you know, following in the path and teachings of Christ is such an evolving process. i hope you're having compassion for yourself as you inevitably do the 'human' thing on your journey, which is to say be imperfect. compassion is something we're supposed to have for all of us, including ourselves, which can sometimes be the hardest type of compassion to have.

    as an aside / cultural observation, i think it's fascinating you were able to articulate such deeply personal opinions and share them with your colleagues in the workplace - and to get positive reinforcement. up here in the northeast, someone would invariably take offense due to the religious context.

    kelly q. (from facebook)

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  6. Some twitter comments that day:

    I'm soooooo white 1:38 PM Mar 1st from Tweetie (oh wait too early)

    One word from God CAN change your life - what are we going to do with it?! Jesus is awesome...11:20 PM Mar 1st from Tweetie

    Feel blessed. Apologized to my co-workers for being a poor Christian via e-mail and hope they see Christ more. What have I done!? :)
    10:50 AM Mar 2nd from Tweetie

    I'll admit I went back and read it & thought this could be offensive to someone who is satisfied with Jesus in a box but I want MORE
    1:30 PM Mar 2nd from Tweetie

    Momentum keeps building - I guess this is what it's like when salt gets it's flavor back! I feel the presence of Christ - rise up in me!!!
    1:41 PM Mar 2nd from Tweetie

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  7. Kelly Q - Thanks for the comments. Yeah one co-worker pulled me aside and did ask me about it. And then I read it and thought yep it is definately religious. But there is all kinds of craziness going on up there that I wont comment on.

    In case people are wondering, I'm home with my youngest. She is sick so you don't think this government auditor blogs at work...

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  8. Steve - I love it! Although I think we all would say we need more Jerry Maguire moments - you have done it!

    The challenge to be "in the world but not of it", is not something most people want to even examine. Yet here you are, putting yourself up to be held accountable to love people more passionately and enter into their weakness and fears.

    Godspeed, may the peace of of our God, communion of Christ, and presence of the Holy Spirit enable you to be a Light!

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  9. It makes you wonder how many other Christians have fallen short as well, but are not as strong as you and admit it! (not excluting myself by any means) Thank you for being true to who you are and by the way it is so a Mission Statement :) But that is a great movie!

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  10. Kevin those were kind words. Appreciate them. Will do. I want to show more than church or another set of rules :)

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  11. Jody - Thanks. Oddly enough it's admitting it that is helping me be stronger. And bringing such peace and joy. Maybe its acting right after you feel prompted to do something.

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  12. I love your heart, Steve! I'd go into battle with you any time. This took a lot of guts.

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